The 1% Woman

Way back in 2011 this blog was started during my time spent over in Amsterdam, and little did I know how fitting and even slightly ironic the title would still remain...Here I am: 27 years old, happily married, dog owner, interior designer, and most recently - menopausal cancer patient. Yikes. 

...It all started a few months ago (yes months, thank you America) when I was experiencing abdominal pain, so I reluctantly went to my doctor to figure out what the problem was. After initially being told that my doctor was 99% sure I was pregnant (nope), they eventually found a mass that was attached to one of my ovaries. Many scans and blood tests later, I was referred to an oncologist to have this thing surgically removed because of the slight possibility that it could be cancerous. For many women, this is a common occurrence to have something like a cyst removed, unfortunately for me, I'm sure you can guess that this has turned out to be not so common.

Starting off the new year walking into a giant building that had "CANCER CENTER" written on the front of it was not exactly on my list of New Years Resolutions. I could practically feel my heart beating in my throat as I walked down the hallways thinking "is this really my life right now?" But let's fast forward to now, since the last couple weeks have all been a blur.

Here is what happened in a nutshell: I had the surgery, and came out on the other side with the mass removed, but also one of my ovaries. Instead of finding out that I was pregnant, I found out that the mass that was removed was in fact cancerous. Instead of having a normal surgery, I learned that I am part of the 1% of women that would have a spinal headache as a result of the epidural that I was given - which resulted in a 35 hour trip to the ER, 3 attempts at a spinal tap, and once again being the very small percentage of people that needed not one, but two blood patches to remedy this horrible headache. And finally, instead of going back to what was a relatively normal life, the next 6 months for me will be getting hormone injections that will put me into a menopausal state (hello hot flashes), as well as going through chemotherapy. I feel as if I have become the 1% woman - being prepared always to expect the unexpected, the abnormal, the worst case scenario. 

It's easy to be cynical at this point, when nothing has seemed to go the way it was supposed to. Somehow though, I am here to share with you that I am not. At the worst point of all of this, I was lying there in the ER in the most pain I have ever been in, and all I heard was God's still small voice saying "let go" and a song that I love with these lyrics, 

"Let the King of my heart be the wind inside my sails, 

the anchor in my waves, 

oh He is my song. 

You are good." by Bethel music. 

Something deep inside of me is at peace with the fact that through everything seemingly falling to pieces, that God's goodness is not defined by the difficulty of this life, and He is there with me through the darkest moments of what I have faced, and will face. He is the anchor that will hold on to me through the impending waves ahead, and He will never cease to be good to me through it all. This is not exactly the path in life I would have chosen for myself, but here I am, the 27 year old menopausal cancer patient. In some ways I have accepted it, and in other ways I am terrified and find myself overwhelmed by everything this journey will entail. All I know is this: God is good even in that horrible, awful, worst case scenario 1% situation. And I will be here to share with you probably way more information than you ever wanted to know about myself, my daytime hot flashes, and this chemotherapy process.